"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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