I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
