so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if only i could text you this smell
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
