i used baking grease as lip gloss
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
