I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
