Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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