they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
