he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
