So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
