He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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