She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
