Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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