I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
