Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
