girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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