Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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