seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
