i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
