You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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