he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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