i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
