His pubic hair was longer than his dick
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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