Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
