I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
