He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
