so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
