I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
