3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
