Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
