In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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