Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
