Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
