she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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