Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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