I think scott just propositioned me for sex
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
