none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
