what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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