dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If that was your dad, he is hot
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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