He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
