i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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