If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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