if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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