my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize