Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
