well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
