hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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