He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
