when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
