I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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