ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
