You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize