ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
