tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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