the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
