Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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