who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i was born a porn star she said
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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