My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
