I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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