I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
