My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize