I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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