I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
