best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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