WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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