Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
