u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
