did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
