I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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