She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
