In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize