I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
