As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
